I am Lost
by MyraRain223
Summary: Asgard's prince is lost to a foolish off-world escapade, Responsibility and blame are set aside in order to find the boy - but when that proves impossible, fear and despair reign. Meanwhile, Loki begins to see the futility of his actions and will be forced to grow and fight if he wants to live. He may just learn new and shocking truths along the way as well. Loki and Thor centric


**Umm… I'm kind of a bit**. But I'm kind of on a Thor kick…. So I wrote a Thor story before I've posted the endings to my other stories…. Oops. **

**Loki is about 14-15 here in human years, which amounts to hundreds of real human years (they are gods after all) and Thor is about 18, I'm assuming Thor is about 3 human years when Loki is brought "home" since Odin was gone for the entire war pretty much (so Thor must have been conceived **_**before**_** the war started, while loki was born at the very end of it… so. Yep. If anything needs to be cleared up, send me a message or leave a comment. Thanks!**

**So, I hope you can at least enjoy this!**

**Warning: This fic will eventually include limited descriptions of torture, implied/past experiences of assault and violence. I will endeavor to include warnings in each chapter so it's clear what's happening in each one. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the quote, the characters, or the world.**

"_A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity_."

-proverbs 17:17

"Please, brother!" wheedled the young boy, just as the predawn light touched his hair and set it to a burning brilliant gold. "You skipped out on the last adventure; you simply _cannot_ miss this one."

"I can and I will," The younger of the two boys stated bluntly from his hidden nook on the bay window seat. Here, his face is buried in a relatively new treatise on the manipulation of magic. The sun's early rays only serve to soften his dark locks into a lighter shade and illuminate his little fortress of books, "And as I recall that last trip ended with a large chunk out of the treasury and an hour-long lecture from Father."

"Because you weren't there to make any of our excuses!" The eldest brother's voice rose in intensity and volume as he scooted closer, looming over the younger where he sat. The red of the elder's cape ruffled close to the muted green of his brother's tunic and seemed a gaudy intrusion to this erudite haven.

"You mean 'take the blame,' yes?" Even as he made to pull away, his brother plucked the book out of his hands and held it steadfastly out of reach. "Thor, have I not yet told you how unwaveringly annoying you are?"

"Oh please, Loki. This will be _fun_. Join me!" The Raven haired princeling continued to sit, intending not to give his brother the satisfaction of jumping for the exposition, though when Thor began roughly tossing the book between his hands Loki only just managed to curb the urge to follow it with his eyes.

"You and I have very different definitions of the word 'fun,' Brother." The golden prince chortled before landing heavily on the pillowed seat beside Loki. Here in his sanctuary, surrounded by books and the warmth of the early morning's rays, the warrior Prince was merely an interloper. Something that logically had no place here, just as Loki had no place in the fighting ring among the dirt and muck and sweat of other warriors.

Yet here Thor was, sitting as though he'd never been anywhere else – just as he always did, he made a place for himself.

"Only a week from my Name Day, and you want to do this _now_?" Loki said.

"It is precisely _because_ it is almost your Name Day that we must go now!" He retorted cheerily.

Loki raised a single eyebrow and waited for elaboration. When none was forthcoming, he sighed. "Thor, only two moons ago you were gifted Mjolnir and already you seek to misuse it?"

"This is different, Brother." Yet even as he said it, Thor reached for the hammer at his belt to reassure himself that it was still there before continuing, "It will be one last hurrah before you leave childhood behind you."

Loki stared in disbelief, a childish hope rising in his chest and ready to burst as he asked, "Just you and I?"

Now, Thor's blue-eyed gaze did not waver as he pleaded not for the first or last time, "Please, come with me."

It had been many years since Thor had asked to go anywhere without their friends. _His friends_, Loki reminded himself, _for they have ever been mistrustful of me._ But there was something very appealing about it, for whatever Loki was, he would always be younger brother to Thor.

And little brothers often found a pocket of admiration for their erstwhile heroes.

Instead of offering a response, Loki snorted indignantly and took the opportunity to snatch back the book and reopen it to his page, holding it before his face and blocking out the radiant gleam of Thor's head. He heard his brother sigh obnoxiously, felt the shifting pillows as the young and now-sulking prince picked himself up.

"By the norns, Loki. I swear it was as if I was never born with a brother at all."

"Fine, Thor."

"You're always in this room with your nose in a book, no mind for adventure – or – or the glory of battle!"

"I said, 'fine, Thor.'"

"I have already reserved time for this and Siff and the Warriors Three won't be here and you would leave me to my own devices-"

Loki closed the book with a shuddering thump to cut off the ramble and his emerald glare found his brother's wide blue eyes intently. "Thor. I said 'F-I-N-E'. I will go with you." He tried so very hard to say it slowly, and waited for the words to sink in – his brother could be dull at times.

The elder brother blinked once, twice, and then a brilliant smile that matched the intensity of his golden hair spread across his features. "Truly?!" His voice held such a note of victory and pride that Loki almost mirrored his happiness.

"Yes, truly."

Thor let out a thunderous guffaw and rushed forward before Loki had even processed what was happening. Thor, every bit the warrior his father had been before him, was endlessly filled with hubris; endlessly training his body for a non-existent enemy, and, for as long as Loki could remember, had always dwarfed him. So when the younger was captured in one of the elder's crushing embraces, he could do naught but wait for it to end.

And smile softly behind Thor's back.

Thor would always be _this_. He would be Thor, Loki's brother.

…

When they were younger, much younger, Thor had always thought that perhaps Loki did not like him. He cannot count the number of times he had rushed into his brother's room and found him as he was today. Head in a book, surrounded by yet more books, and completely ignoring Thor's presence. Still, Thor would ask Loki to join him in a game. _No, Thor_. Ask him to watch the training yards. _Not now, Thor._ Ask him to wrestle. _Brother, I'm busy._ Then Thor would give up, throw his hands to the air and curse something just as Father would.

Only three human years apart and yet Loki seemed to be in his own world already. They couldn't be further apart.

Yet when Thor had left, had returned to his own rooms in misery, Loki would follow. Book in hand; he would walk to where Thor sat with his knees bent and his head buried.

And Loki would sit shoulder-to-shoulder with his brother before reopening his book.

It was a process with them, and that shallow touch of comfort was always what reassured Thor that Loki cared. They had continued that ritual for most of their lives, whenever one was hurt or in need of company – the other seemed to know, seemed to appear and offer a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. Even when Loki had notoriously been named a Silver Tongue and a Liesmith, it was still their habit to offer each other comfort empty of words but full of meaning.

Now, they stand shoulder-to-shoulder on another world.

Alfheim is normally a glorious and shining world full to the brim with life. The light elves here admire nature in all its forms, and have since allowed the forestry to grow unabated. Vines curl in intricate patterns along the groves of the great oaks, creating a secure home for the shadows beneath them. It is a glorious place when the sun is shining and dappled rays filter through the worst of the shadow.

But not on this day.

No, on this day, the sun is secured behind a billowing layer of angry clouds. The darkness beneath the trees is almost complete, with few respites where the weakening rays of the sun have fought their way to the planet's surface. More than that, there is no bird song. There are no wild Skogkatt or the large gotlandic sheep of the northern region. It is as if the entire forest were holding its breath is anxious anticipation. It unsettles even the young warrior prince.

For a moment after arriving through Loki's secret little pass, his little brother leans closer to Thor's side.

"Perhaps this wasn't the best idea after all, Brother." To his credit, there is no waver in the boy's voice.

Still, His brother's uncertainty has a way of drawing out Thor's bravado. "We just need to prove ourselves, find something big to bring back to Father, and then we'll be gone. 1 2 3… Why, don't tell me you're scared, Loki."

He can't help but laugh when twin emerald eyes turn a glare on him.

"Ha ha, Thor." Loki withdraws, moving ahead of his brother as though it will prove his bravery. His gaze is analytical and meticulous in a way that Thor's eye for battle will never be. The black and green of Loki's outfit almost make him blend into the forest before them if not for the golden accents whereas Thor's striking red and silver gleam like a beacon in a sea of green. They make their way forward for over an hour's time, Loki's keen eyes leading their path with Thor at his back.

Thor's eyes track his brother as he picks his way into the woodland until they come to a clearing. He is ready for anything. And so is Mjolnir.

What he _isn't_ prepared for, is the Bilgesnipe.

He had only ever seen the leathery lizard hide of one – a gift from the Alfheim representative – and yes, they must be of the same species. The blunted tail, the reptilian appearance, and the furred scruff were all the same in his memory, but that bilgesnipe had lacked the enormous antlers of this creature.

The hide had also been three times smaller.

_No time for hesitation, boy_.

The bilgesnipe's beady eyes were glossed over with madness; it circled the clearing once before locking onto the two boys.

_You're a big brother now._

"Loki, run!" Thor's voice thundered against the trees and drew the creature's attention. Loki obeyed immediately, darting out of the way and tucking into a role that let him disappear between the trees.

_Time to act like it._

Thor raised Mjolnir, letting the rippling sensation of energy raise the hairs along his arms. The storms of Asgard had never failed to answer his call and now, on this world, the clouds reacted immediately to the God of Thunder. They darkened and charged for their master's call.

The Bilgesnipe echoed the thunder, roaring its rage even as the creature surged forward-

In time to be completely obliterated by the sheer force of the lightning bolt.

There hadn't been a way to avoid it; Lightening travels faster than thought, and therefore faster than a rabid animal can dodge. All that's left is a smoking crater, charred black and still billowing smoke. Thor almost feels sympathy for the animal.

But not quite.

With adrenaline still filtering through his body, Thor turns to have a look around before letting out a long and loud chortle. "Victory for the Almighty Thor!" he yells to the heavens and smiles at their roiling agreement. He turns to rejoice with his brother-

And he's not there.

_He is your responsibility._

"Loki?" He calls the name into the open air, ignoring the roar of thunder and straining for a response. The Thunderer isn't ever meant to feel fear – what is to fear when you control one of the greatest natural powers in the world? – but right now his body is betraying him. His heart is in a frenzy, the adrenaline back in full force. Thor is shaking uncontrollably.

"Loki!" He screams to the heavens. The trees stand by silently, offering no relief to the gnawing fear that has taken root in his stomach. "If this is a trick, cease playing it now!"

_You are a brother first._

He expects a short chuckle, a shimmer of green magic to announce an end to one of Loki's illusions.

But there's nothing but the forest around them.

_Failing that, you are nothing._

Loki is gone.

…

Thor is gone.

The thought is fleeting as he rolls out of the way of the rampaging beast, something tears at his heart and the words come out of nowhere; there's a sinking feeling in his belly that he won't see his brother again if he doesn't turn around now. But the Roar of the Bilgesnipe along with the scream of the thunder overhead is still fresh in his ears and his feet won't stop now. When Loki finally calms enough to stop, he doesn't know where he is.

Thor's raging storm has spread to the rest of the sky, turning the already gray clouds into a veil of black, so there's no way to trace it back to the clearing. The darkness brought by the storm hasn't helped either.

Loki shivers, though not from the cold.

He wraps his arms around himself, as his voice quivers, "T-Thor?"

The woods themselves seem to come alive. Birds spring out of the trees, fluttering far too close to his face; skogkatts scurry from the brush and Loki trips as they fly by his legs; and he spots some of the giant rams among the activity as his back hits the forest floor.

And then he spots red among the green.

"Thor!" He cries the name like he used to as a child, back when he'd needed his brother to chase away the shadows in his bedroom.

But the name _brings_ the shadows this time.

The spark of red is the light of glowing armor – armor that is as black as the bark of the surrounding Oak. But this armor _flows_ as the beings – there must be dozens of them – surge forward behind the animals, a blight upon the land: a living shadow. Twin red beams shine from dark helms and Loki flinches as they turn to his terrified green gaze. The largest of the beings raises a gauntleted hand to point directly at the boy, and a wave goes through the following.

And then there is only darkness.


End file.
